Jim Hollis, Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life.

Sometimes the depression one begins to feel at midlife will bring us into therapy if we haven’t tried that before.  For some, this initial request to search and share with another trained, empathic listener will provide deep insight and personal clarification about some of those initial choices.  Identifying and freeing those affect-laden complexes is the work of good therapy and no one can deny its effects who has had a positive experience that results in increased self awareness.

But to think that career counseling is a narrowing is to miss the point, in my opinion, of the necessity for finding meaningful work
at mid life.  If not now, when?  And if not you, then who?  Who has the right, even the obligation perhaps, to find and perform meaningful work with love and passion? Career counseling of some sort is just the practice to bring insight and clarity to what one’s
purpose is.  By reviewing skills as gifts and talents, and values as an expression of your unique perspective, you will find that your interests will provide the awareness of what needs doing in your world. That passion and that awareness will help you find the work you are meant to do.  A bold and courageous change of life course can be the result.

Finding a new direction can occur in a number of ways all of which are resources from the Career Counseling tool kit.  One can not easily pursue these if feeling depressed and or benefiting from therapy, but they are ways to proceed initially.

1/     Examine under-utilized skill sets and knowledges acquired over the years that offer some interesting possibilities;

2/     Explore the social and political issues you find disturbing and begin to research how significant change might be initiated within each;

3/     Be pro-active when you serendipitously come across an article, or an individual who might pave the way and follow-up. Whatever means you use, the important challenge is to recognize the process has begun.

I invite you to explore my website www.lifeworktransitions and discover
other career counseling tools that might be helpful to you.

Deborah Knox has over 30 years experience providing
insight and clarity to individuals seeking meaningful lifework. She is the
author of Put Your Spirit to Work: Making a Living Being Yourself.

You are a creative person.  After all, you run a business or have a career.   You have the ability to do innovative work and to make new connections between ideas, which are the key dynamic of the creative process. Yet, sometimes our creativity stalls, plays tricks on
us, or appears to have vanished completely. It is at these moments that we need to reconnect with our inspirational powers to stimulate our ability to invent something new and useful.  The following tips are meant to arouse your natural
creative gifts so that you can surmount the challenges on your creative questand develop that novel product or service.

1) Keep a daily excitement list about why you are committed to your creative project. What fascinates you and intrigues you about the topic? Why is it compelling to you personally? How does it matter to the company or the larger world?

2) Visualize your end result and make a collage of images that support your vision (cut pictures out of magazines or collect relevant items) and then post this collage where you can ponder it regularly. Let the visual images help you to be as specific as possible in identifying the essence of what you want to invent.

3) Take a field trip relating to your project to explore a particular facet of it. One of my clients was fascinated by gorillas, for some unknown reason, and I advised her to go to the zoo for a day, even without a clue about what she was looking for. While sitting with the gorillas, they reminded her of the power of nonverbal
communication–the missing ingredient in her training program.

4) Go to a toy store and buy a toy that reminds you of your project or process. Spend some time playing with
the toy and write down all the metaphors that you discover. A stuffed giant caterpillar once guided me to organize a product into interlocking but flexible sections, similar to the body of a caterpillar.

5) Send your inner critic on vacation and learn to suspend all negative judgments in your thinking. Give yourself the freedom to make mistakes and take positive risks with your work.  If you were fearless about your work, what “out on a limb strategies” would
you try next? Trial and error will bring you to creative success!

Gail McMeekin, LICSW is the owner of Creative Success, LLC in Boston and the author of The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women: A Portable Mentor and The 12 Secrets of Highly Successful Women,  and The Power of Positive Choices: Adding and Subtracting Your Way to a Great Life. She works with clients to help them to discover fulfilling work, activate their creativity, grow their businesses, and restore inner balance. Her information-packed website is http://www.creativesuccess.com
Copyright 2012, Creative Success LLC.

My response to this woman was that, contrary to her assumption, it wouldn’t be right for a coach not to have a coach – whenever real roadblocks arise, as they do for all of us. It stands to reason that if my role as a coach is to guide clients toward greater success, I need to know where I’m going in my own life and work to lead the way. If I am to practice what I preach, which is always my intention, then it’s essential that I consult a fitting coach when my professional or personal objectives are too over my head to manage on my own.

I’m a pretty accomplished, happy person, not to mention an expert at resolving human predicaments, but I am not immune to the overwhelm all of us face amid a culture of constant distraction and change. And so when I start to sense those familiar signs of entering ambitious new territory — confusion about what to do next in one or more areas, frustration because I am filled to the brim with ideas and don’t know where to go with them, fear that if I don’t find my way soon I will never find it — I look for the best coach available to address my particular issue.

I know from past experience that the right coach will help me cut through the clamor and get to my destination more quickly with much less stress. Consequently, I have great confidence in the power of good, solid coaching to transport me to a new, more enlightened level every time. Never seamlessly or without hard work of course (because transformation is never a one-shot process devoid of labor), but certainly in a way that is affirming, energizing, deliciously challenging, and richly rewarding.

When I worry about the financial investment of coaching, as I always do when the need surfaces — because, come on, who has a pile of cash set aside for coaching? — I quickly remind myself how much money – not to mention time and mistakes — coaching saves in the long-run. I remember how much easier it was to integrate coaching into my psychotherapy business (after I earned my coaching certification five years ago) with the right coach in my corner. I recall how much better I slept when my next coach assisted me in traversing the minefield of a particularly difficult consulting assignment. I think fondly of the subsequent coach who helped me and my husband create new spending habits after we got married. Then there’s the next coach who kept me on task as I wrote Life Your Way. And soon, I’m pleased to report, I’ll be reminiscing about my current coach, who has helped me to move through another complicated career phase – that of re-structuring my business to encompass the opportunities and pressures brought on by my book.

As I consider the incredible value coaching has brought to my life and work, what I’m most looking forward to is getting together with my present coach to celebrate what every successful coaching experience brings: liberating awareness of a clear path ahead and firm ground beneath my feet. Now that I’ve reached this new place of greater certainty, competence and contentment, a place that would’ve taken me oh so much longer to reach on my own, I know more than ever what I’ll do when the next enticing yet hazy goal appears on the horizon. I will recognize my need for a navigator and find the best coach for whatever life-altering milestone is beckoning. And as I sit here feeling rejuvenated and free in an area that was maddeningly confounding just three short months ago, I know that I will respond with even greater conviction to the next mystified person who can’t quite grapple with the idea of a coach needing a coach. “Does the coach need coaching, you ask? You bet I do!”

1. Ask yourself if perhaps falling off track is a wake-up call or blessing in disguise. Let’s say you prepared exquisitely for a job interview and you didn’t get the job, or you are training for your first marathon when an injury sidelines you. Maybe that job wasn’t really right for you, or it could be that you’ve been training too hard and need more rest. Sometimes falling off track can be one of the best things that ever happened.

2. Trust your intuition to tell you what to do. Perhaps you’ve been devoted to a new diet and exercise regimen for several weeks and you wake up completely unmotivated to go to the gym and craving a stack of flapjacks for breakfast. Give in to your intuition’s request for a day off and you’ll probably feel more motivated tomorrow. Push through your resistance and you will likely rebel in a bigger way that will set you back further.

3. Re-visit your priorities. If your plans are thwarted by an outside hindrance ranging from unexpected company to an unforeseen lay-off, give yourself permission to shift your focus appropriately. Put down your painting materials or gardening tools or whatever else you’re immersed in and move your attention to making a nice dinner, updating your resume’, or whatever else is needed for the time-being. You may find it hard to trust that if you abandon your new agenda, even temporarily, you will ever get back on track – especially if you’ve been derailed before. But if you don’t try to do too much at once and burn yourself out, your intuition will let you know when to take up your new plan again.

4. Recognize the value of your down time. When you’re not in the mood to work toward your goals, or when internal or external factors make working on your goals impossible, view the interruption as a temporary recess – and get the most out of it. Really reflect on whether your goals are still right for you and whether they are manageable. If you find you are no longer passionate about the path you’re on, do a little soul-searching and determine what you do want to work toward. Or if you’re still invested in your current plan, maybe breaking it down into smaller, more workable steps will reignite your resolve.

5. Treat yourself well. Regardless of what has knocked you off course, berating yourself is a complete waste of time. Whatever stumbling block is causing the pause in your plan, you won’t make it better by punishing yourself. So tell yourself it’s okay to take a break, and ask yourself what you can do to feel better and get motivated again. Renewing your enthusiasm can come from incentives as simple as taking a silent walk in the woods, watching a funny movie, or enjoying dinner and conversation with your best friend. And lastly, always remember this: the best way to stay engaged and confident when you do get back on track is to reward yourself — not just when you cross the finish line, but every small, empowering step of the way.

Until the unthinkable happens, that is.

Until life gets in the way.

No matter how galvanizing the self-help book, no matter how devoted you are to living more deliberately and meaningfully, you can only go so far down a new path before something will knock you off course. Maybe a devastating break-up will leave you with only enough energy to watch TV and sulk. Perhaps a horrible new boss will squeeze your will right out of you with her constant demands. Or a medical diagnosis may throw your very survival into question. More likely, though, just a plain, old-fashioned bad day – or string of bad days – is what will shunt you off even your strictest course and strongest intentions.

A wealth of respectable self-help books – many of which I’ve read and learned from myself — boast proven, perfectly legitimate prescriptions for really doing it this time. These books teem with inspirational examples of people just like you who have been able to secure unwavering fulfillment and happiness by simply applying “these proven steps” or “these basic principles.” These books pump you up with exciting promises. What they don’t do, unfortunately, is tell you the sobering truth: you can change your life, but not without interruptions.

In a culture hooked on the quick fix, it’s not easy to hear that life change isn’t an instant, one shot process. You know by now that you can expect to fall off the wagon after you’ve committed to a new habit, but you still tend to beat yourself up when you reach that inevitable point where you feel suddenly less able to focus on making that new habit stick. That’s why I want to remind you of what all of us, despite our adult wisdom, forget sometimes — that falling off track is a normal and necessary part of change. And knowing your plans will definitely be disrupted – either by outside demands or your own shifting mood and energy level — when you’re in the throes of transformation actually better prepares you for success.

The bottom line is this: Falling down and getting back up and falling down and getting back up, sometimes again and again, is not failure; it is a part of life for anyone wanting to learn and grow. So, with that in mind, always be sure to make room in your plans for falling off track. This way you won’t waste a lot of time shaming and blaming yourself when you get hit with a curveball and lose momentum.

What can you do to get going again? I’ll give you some great strategies in a couple of weeks. For now, give yourself a break! You probably deserve it.

Well, I have good news for you.  You may not be able to turn your family into the Waltons, but you can make gatherings with difficult relatives more bearable.  These tips will help:

1.  First, ask yourself honestly if you’re at least part of the problem.   It’s easier to accuse others of being unreasonable than to look squarely in the mirror and admit that maybe you’re the one who needs to open your mind and lighten up.  Could you stand to be a little less demanding or judgmental?  Could you listen more and talk less?  We all have irritating personality traits.  Pinpoint your quirks and resolve to work on them.

2.  Appreciate the context. Perhaps you have a certain aunt who is usually good-natured but has been ornery for the past few months.  Before assuming that she’s suddenly become an incorrigible curmudgeon, consider that maybe she’s experiencing health, career, or relationship issues and could use a little encouragement this year.

3.  Focus on the positive. Let’s say you have a cousin who complains incessantly, a brother-in-law who is always one-upping you, or a sister who talks too loud and too much.  Chances are these people don’t mean to be offensive; they are likely insecure deep down and don’t know how to engage others.  Give them a break by finding something, anything – what they’re wearing, a joke they told, the appetizer they brought — to compliment them on.   No matter how irritating someone is, they are easier to bear when you view them through an optimistic lens.    And because most pesky behavior comes from a desire for attention, your kindness might actually reduce the grating conduct somewhat.

4.  Set appropriate limits. Yes, it’s important to be nice, but that doesn’t mean you have to listen to a boorish uncle drone on and on about his political agenda or stomach your harried sister screaming at her bratty kids for hours on end.  Just because you’re invited to a holiday gathering doesn’t mean you have to stay the duration.  As an adult, it’s entirely up to you to define the parameters that work for you.   Smile, say thank you, and excuse yourself when you’ve had enough.

5.  Avoid toxic situations. Most of us have at least one relative whose behavior is damaging to others.  Maybe you have a nasty alcoholic in your family, or a pathological liar, or a foul-mouthed bigot, or an extreme manipulator.  People who consistently behave in ways that are abusive usually don’t change no matter how hard you try to get along with them, and they should not be tolerated.  Your option is to either calmly state your terms in advance, such as, “I’ll come for Christmas dinner, but I will leave immediately if you insult me or my kids” or simply decline the invitation if you know from past experience that you need to stay away to protect yourself.

6.  Drop your guilt. The number one reason why people put up with impossible relatives is that they feel obligated.   Tolerating behavior ranging from annoying to abusive in the name of preserving family ties or preventing hurt feelings will only drain your energy and allow the bad conduct to continue.   When you set boundaries with difficult people, letting them know gently yet firmly what you will and won’t put up with, you give them a truly valuable gift:  the opportunity to look within and contemplate how they can change if they want to see more of you